Gentle and Steady: Weaning Your Toddler from Breastfeeding
So, you’ve decided you’re ready to wean your toddler from breastfeeding. Maybe you’re pregnant again and the extra stimulation has become too much. Maybe you’re struggling with ongoing frequent night feeds. Maybe you’re just… ready to be done. Whatever your reasons for weaning, there are some simple strategies that can make the process easier on you and your little one, helping you wean without losing the deep connection you’ve built over these years of nursing.
Hi, I’m Cecelia. I’m a pediatric feeding therapist, licensed speech-language pathologist, board certified lactation consultant, and certified perinatal mental health specialist. Put simply: I help parents feed their babies and feel good doing it.
Here are five tips to help you wean your toddler with gentleness and ease.
01— Talk about the weaning process with your child ahead of time using storytelling, play, and books.
Weaning involves two people: you and your child. While you have likely thought a lot about this decision and taken some time to come to terms with it, your child hasn’t. Just like adults, children benefit from time to process big life changes before they happen, and weaning is certainly a big life change!
Here are some ways you can help them understand what’s coming before you actually start the weaning process:
Tell stories about other children weaning: Start verbally telling your child stories about weaning. You might tell the story of a neighbor child or cousin who has gotten “so big” and is now all done with nursing. This is sometimes called a “social story,” which is simply a story that teaches children about different routines and interactions.
Tell the story of your child weaning: Start telling the story of what it will look like when your child weans. Repeat the story often over the course of a few weeks so your child has a chance to absorb what’s coming. They might start to ask questions that prompt a conversation about weaning, which gives you the chance to alleviate fears ahead of time.
Use play time to talk about weaning: During pretend play with toy animals, dolls, or whatever your child likes to play with, you can introduce the theme of weaning. Acting out daily routines through play is how children learn, and you may hear them expressing emotions like fear, anger, confusion, or even happiness at the idea of weaning through their play.
Read books about weaning: There are many amazing picture books about weaning that you can buy or find at your local library. Here are some of my favorites (links below may earn me a small commission at no cost to you):
02— As you begin to gradually wean, set clear boundaries (and keep them!) about when you will and won’t nurse your toddler.
Use concrete reference points so they know when they can breastfeed next. For example, say “after we eat lunch,” rather than, “in two hours.” Your child might benefit from knowing the daily schedule, such as, “Today we’ll do milk after breakfast and when you wake up from nap.” Follow through on the boundaries you set, and offer alternatives when they ask to nurse outside those times (e.g., a snack, a hug, water).
03— Prioritize connection with your child so they understand you aren’t going anywhere, even when nursing ends.
Breastfeeding is a powerful source of comfort and connection for toddlers, so it makes sense when toddlers resist weaning or they demand to nurse after you’ve set a boundary. Build in intentional connection points throughout the day where you snuggle, hug, tell stories, or play together without any distractions. Giving your child that 1:1 attention throughout the day tells their nervous system, “My mom is still right here.”
04— Remember that this is a huge transition for your toddler, and it will take time, gentleness, and compassion.
Your child has never known life without breastfeeding. While weaning for you means a return to “life before breastfeeding,” weaning for your child means stepping into the complete unknown—a whole new way of being in the world and relating to you.
So much of the online advice I see about weaning recommends letting your toddler cry it out or even punishing tantrums related to weaning. This doesn’t sit right with me. It is appropriate and normal for your child to have big emotions, cry, and need extra comfort and patience while they’re going through big life changes like weaning. Your little one will come around to this change with more ease if you stay present and honor their big feelings.
05— Honor your own body, mind, and emotions throughout this process, and find ways to express whatever you’re feeling about your breastfeeding journey ending.
You’ve devoted months or years of your life to breastfeeding your child. You might feel like celebrating some days, and grieving others. Find ways to express and allow all the complex emotions that are likely moving within you—maybe you want to journal, talk with a close friend, make art or music, or connect with a support group or therapist.
Some people find that weaning brings on intense mood swings, sadness, anxiety, or other strong emotions. The hormonal change you’re experiencing is significant, even if you’re only breastfeeding once or twice a day at this point, and some people say it feels more intense than the “baby blues” in the first few weeks postpartum. Support your body and mind during this time with things proven to support mental health:
Move your body, especially outside
Drink to thirst and eat to hunger, focusing on nourishing whole foods that make your body feel vibrant
Get regular fresh air and sunlight, especially in the morning (even if it’s cloudy!)
Connect with others, whether that’s family, friends, or a support group
Prioritize good sleep—limit blue light before bed and go to bed earlier if possible
Looking for support with weaning? I can help. I offer in-home lactation support in the Vancouver, WA and Portland, OR area, including helping families with weaning with gentleness and compassion. Explore my services and reach out to schedule an appointment!
